Was chatting with fedi friends about my perpetual single situation.

Like my lifetime. I've never been married so good thing I am fiercely independent and have a great job that has afforded me and my son a lot.

Anyway, I told them that my current working theory is that my standards are too high, that I expect to be treated better than I ultimately am. That maybe I'm more like a 4 on the holistic quality scale so that I should be accepting men that I feel are a 3 or 4 on the quality scale. I mean lower my standards from what I think are ~ 7/8 on the quality scale (a man that doesn't hit me, has goals, aspirations, feels passion for things, has empathy, has forgiveness, can admit when he's wrong, wants to work through differences, is understanding before judgmental, deep thinker, independent). Maybe that is not a 7/8 even, my consideration lately is that I am single because of me.

So anyway, one said I should poll, if you've seen me here, your anonymous thoughts are welcome, should I lower my expectations?

@Wallflower Fuck anonymity. My answer is “Fuck NO”. Do not lower your standards.

(Sorry I go on a bit of a long rant from here-on. It’s because I care and want people to be properly cared for and loved by those around them)

Being single is not worse than being with someone who doesn’t treat you well (not just doesn’t treat you badly).
Many get stuck in the relationship because they are financially dependent. You don’t have that.

So many straight women need to up their standards. What you wrote is bare minimum in my view.
You have a freedom many women don’t have. Society tells us being without a partner/spouse is terrible and that it equals loneliness - which many say is also the worst.
We all need to find ways to like our own company and learn to create community.

In the US, Canada, and many other parts of the world, we’ve been brainwashed into isolating ourselves from each other so when we don’t have great parents or extended family we have no one else but the romantic partner as emotional support.

Community is friendship. Community is safety. Community is survival. I don’t know what that looks like for you but please at least expect someone you’re romantically entangled with to be at least as good as what you would expect from a good friend.

@stephaniepixie

Thank you.

That was the nicest slap I've ever had.

Also, I am okay being alone. Very strong introvert. I sometimes worry that I can't be in a relationship because I need my morning moment to think alone or whatever. I do think I am a good person, fun, and lots...

I just don't understand the larger picture.

Again, thank you for that kindness.
💜

@Wallflower I was a bit worried I went too hard but then I remembered you saying you’re from Jersey and I’ve heard enough about what that means to know you’re tough 😂

I know there’s people (including men) who can give the space you need while also making it clear you’re important to them.

There might not be many men who learn to communicate well and who have had therapy and who aren’t threatened by strong women who don’t need men, but they do exist.

I guess the trick is to find out which frequency to set your magnets so you attract those who are supportive of who you are and who also are romantically/sexually attracted to you if that’s what you’re looking for.

I imagine there’s some men out there who would be relieved to finally meet a woman who is financially secure, has a strong will, is self-aware, has a good sense of humour, loves nature, and also is hot.

I wish we all raised the bar for companionship so we’d have families and communities raising all children to be the kind of companion who nourishes and supports as a bare minimum no matter the gender or sexuality.

Life is hard enough. Would be nice to have some parts feel good.

@Wallflower I don't think anyone should be dating until they're comfortable being alone. if your reason for dating is the assumption that you feel incomplete without a partner, you're more likely to settle for subpar people who won't benefit you