I think people give us shit less because we are a transwoman and more because we arent straight or monogamous in a lot of cases. The queer circle does this with more nuance because they accept us for who we are but then goes about it the same. For most people being mean and shitty to you is a lot more fair when they are either:
1. In a direct relationship with you
or
2. Think you are functionally single, ie not in a very 'serious relationship' with somebody who would actually be willing to openly retaliate on your behalf.

Most people ignore lesbian relationships and lesbian retaliation attempts out of hand because they dont have the same threat detection for that. This isn't meant to be an openly hateful calculus for most people but a glitched one. It was the incentive structure of meanness they were using for flushing out single basement dweller incel men cretins and for not interfering in straight nonsense. It was when lesbians became more legitimate in general that this heuristic has been interrupted and causes harm.

Another point I've been mulling is that I think the reality is most of this is about legitimacy more than its is disposability. Disposability is the mode of understanding from the oppressed that they will drop you on a dime. Whereas, for the most part, every institution is trying its best to legitimize itself. In the perspective of these people they are trying to 'drive you out' of the conversation and the space dialogue is happening in *knowing fully well* that you will just be somewhere else (albeit probably under a new name). They are trying to purify their social circles not exile you from all social life. It is indeed the realization that in the full social world there is an inevitable backup community that will accept you instead is what helps justify their idea of driving you out. 'Somebody else will take care of them but it cant be us'.

The naiviety that follows this understanding is that no, there is not a 'surplus of communities that can be drawn on' like that. The people believe that there is strong social connection points because we are natural survivors and the nature of friendship as propagandized in every piece of neoliberal media is at an all time high.

The reality is that these people are so comfortable that they are immune to a deep bleakness about the external world. We actually cant trust most people which is why we talk where we talk and when those people turn on us our window shrinks more and more. They believe everyone is hiring friends and that social groups are a dime a dozen rather than being and having been in such deep decline for decades that many people now even doubt fundamentally the existence of a community (in terms of being a non-violent harmonious entity of solidarity). When people drive others out of a social space its basically atrophying their social compunctions if not outright contributing to social death.

@Erato_Heti i would maybe argue that the purification of social circles for the sake of legitimacy is a form of enacting disposability . a person who is not disposable would not be subject to being purged in such a way , because to do that to someone who isn't disposable would inherently harm the group's legitimacy

@ikeWren disposal seems like a downstream effect from the primary function. Plus i just dont know why we landed on the word disposability when similar words like expendable exist. Its just a very consumerist outlook on exile.

One other addendum I wanted to make about the isolating effect of exile is that being exiled does not 'doom' you to having no more friends forever but puts you in a socially hibernated state that can slowly atrophy you. It's a matter of time more than anything else.

If one of the few places you are at left turns on you youre going to take distance and be even more cautious about who you associate with. While there is no surplus of communities there will eventually be an opening, the issue is whether you are in any state to join it by then and if you even want to.

Even if you aren't actively socially atrophying, you are bound to get more weird and quirky. For instance, the fact that I do these disaffected antisocial pontifications is a result of not being in active social spaces irl for over 2 years now. At this stage it may be nearly impossible to unlearn.