nno… is that… gulps yiour pussy

Just logged in to my Sharkey alt to see what’s the deal with the recent update.

I was asked if i brushed my teeth and was given the Toothbrusher and the Hygienic achievements.
The achievement was automatically broadcasted to the global timeline and six girls asked me to bite them over ActivityPub.
It seemed a bit weird because i don’t know them like that, but i still tried to press the button to bite one user whom i actually know.
However i was told that i need to give Sharkey-fe WebUSB authorization before i can press the bite button then it asked me to plug in my haptic mouthpiece via USB.
However due to a security issue my wi-fi toaster was hacked and it started to burn a pride flag into the toast that was in it (due to the limitations of this monochromatic medium i couldn’t ascertain if it was a trans flag or a different one.) I use arch btw.

911 called. they said your legs were brokey