today's showerthought:

"if [person online who professes to find me attractive] knew how ugly I was IRL, they wouldn't be attracted to me" is just a more specific variant of, "if [person who professes to like me] knew how ugly I was on the inside, they'd hate me actually"

(I have both of these brainworms)

@YKantRachelRead mood though, I've made a lot of progress on the second but still struggle with the first

@YKantRachelRead "yeah youve seen pictures but, you haven't seen me try to walk or seen me from the Bad angles,"

@YKantRachelRead

This explains some things... which really didn't need an explanation because we trannies have first-person experience of brainworms and other mental bugs.

I'm very lucky to have you in my life, do you know that?

@YKantRachelRead i have them because they keep actually happening

me to the online friends I'm attracted to: "I wish I could see you from all your angles, including the 'bad' ones 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 "

me to myself: "all of my angles are bad angles, therefore"

@YKantRachelRead to be fair though, neither have I, in quite some time! I don't really have candid video shot of me very often, so who knows, maybe my gait isnt as awkward as I remember

@patchuun mine is definitely awkward as fuck but that's okay

@YKantRachelRead it's probably cute tbh :3
that's another thing, things that I find unappealing in myself or have some level of insecurity about are oftentimes things that I find super cute or attractive in others, lol

@YKantRachelRead but yeah I'm pretty sure I walk super autistic and it's maybe one of my most obvious tells? that and the t-rex arms thing and just generally not being able to do anything else with my hands that looks natural and not obviously forced

@patchuun @YKantRachelRead "walk super autistic"
First reaction
What? That's a thing?

Second reaction
I mean I feel like I never know what to do with my arms so I have this system... oh yea got it.

@itsmaya @YKantRachelRead "I have this system" me with basically everything x3

@patchuun @YKantRachelRead I feel like one of my ND superpowers is being so oblivious that my other ND tics don't bother me.

@patchuun @itsmaya @YKantRachelRead girls are always having systems

@YKantRachelRead fops rembers your old discord av though, so :3

@unworthyBeatrix ehehehe oh right you did see that!!